The "Where Are You Really From" Question

I often talk about belonging — what it means, how it changes, and why it matters.
In last week’s episode of The Everyday Global Citizen Podcast, I reflect on how the question “Where are you really from?” shaped my own sense of belonging growing up in Norway.

 🌍 Growing Up In-Between

 As you might know by now, I was born and raised in Bergen, Norway, to Palestinian parents who moved here to study - and stayed. My appearance, though, is different from what many might expect of someone from Bergen. I have olive-toned skin, dark curly hair, brown eyes, and an Arabic name.

For as long as I can remember, people have asked me where I’m from.
When I answer “Bergen,” I can almost see the confusion flicker across their faces -  as if that answer doesn’t quite fit what they expected.

Some people try again: "No, but where are you really from?"

That one small word - really - changes everything.

It turns a simple question into something heavier. It shifts from curiosity to doubt, as if my presence here needs additional explanation.

And when I finally said “Jerusalem,” they would often respond, "Ah, I knew you weren’t completely Norwegian."

Those moments taught me that belonging could be conditional - that for some people, I would always be seen as something other.

💬 Curiosity vs. exclusion

Over time, I’ve learned that this question doesn’t always come from a bad place.
Norway is a small, scattered country, and dialects, towns, and local pride are important parts of who we are.

So sometimes, that question really is just about dialect - about mapping connection, not about difference.

But when someone rejects your first answer - or adds really - it moves from connection to othering.

If you’re genuinely interested in someone’s background, there are ways to ask that don’t deny belonging.  You might ask, 

• "Where’s your name from?" or
• "What’s your story?"

 These are questions that invite connection rather than distance.

🏡 What belonging actually means

In cross-cultural literature, belonging is often described as the feeling of being at home somewhere -  or with someone. For those of us who live between cultures, belonging can be complex.
 

It’s not always tied to one place, or one identity.
It’s shaped by the languages we speak, the people who accept us, and the places that make us feel understood.

🫱🏽‍🫲🏽Both–and, not either–or

For many cross-cultural people, belonging isn’t about choosing.
It’s about being both–and.

I am both Norwegian from Bergen and Palestinian from Jerusalem.
I’m shaped by the West and the Middle East.
By snow- and by olive trees.

That’s not confusion. That’s richness.

Global citizenship gives us permission to embrace that complexity - to say, I belong to more than one place, and that’s perfectly fine.

🌐 Belonging and global citizenship

Belonging is personal, but it’s also relational.
It’s not only about where I feel at home - it’s about whether others make room for me there.

That’s where global citizenship comes in, as it a lot about how we treat one another - the respect, curiosity, and inclusion we practice in everyday life.

Every time we assume that someone doesn’t belong, or treat their identity like a puzzle to be solved, we build distance.

But when we meet people with openness and humility - when we allow them to define themselves - we help create the sense of shared humanity that global citizenship is built on. And that’s the heart of global citizenship: it’s not about erasing difference, but about creating communities where difference is valued as a contribution, not seen as a threat.

Maybe belonging isn’t a destination after all. Maybe it’s something we co-create - one small act of empathy at a time.

Reflection question:

• What makes you feel like you belong?
• And how can you help someone else feel that way this week?
  
  

🎧 Listen to the full episode: “The Where Are You Really From?” Question on The Everyday Global Citizen Podcast.