Where Are You Really From?

“Where are you really from?” is a question I’ve heard more times than I can count. It’s almost always asked right after I say I’m from Bergen. The implication is clear: Bergen isn’t an acceptable answer for someone who looks like me.

As a cross-cultural person with visible difference - olive toned skin, an Arabic name, and a Muslim identity - I’ve often had my belonging questioned. While people may not always intend harm, these microaggressions quietly chip away at something essential: my right to define who I am, and where I belong.

Beneath that question lies a narrow, unspoken image of what a "real" Norwegian is supposed to look like. We still carry assumptions that Norwegians are fair-skinned, light-haired, blue-eyed—with names that are easy to pronounce. So when someone like me speaks fluent Norwegian or sounds unmistakably local, it challenges those expectations. People get visibly confused. Some even double down, repeating the question with more emphasis: “But where are you really from?”

Often, what people want is an origin story. And once I say “Jerusalem,” there’s a sense of relief - as if they’ve solved a puzzle. Some even respond with things like, “I knew you weren’t from here,” without realizing how language like that quietly undermines my sense of belonging.

These moments reveal more about our national self-image than about the people being questioned. Belonging in Norway is still measured, too often, by appearance and ancestry - not by lived experience.

Takeaway💡:
If you’re ever tempted to ask someone where they’re really from, consider asking where their name is from instead. It opens a door - without closing off someone’s right to belong.

As someone who’s cross-cultural myself, I created this free guide to help you navigate and connect your cultural identities. Inside, you’ll find my top 5 strategies to support you on that journey.